oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
