There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
