she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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