last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
