we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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