my mouth tastes like poor choices
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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