you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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