just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
