I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
