You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
