garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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