I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
