I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is my gift to your gina
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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