I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
