Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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