I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
