I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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