We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
