i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
