doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
