I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
