i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
