I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
