He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
