I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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