cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
