I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
