we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
