"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
