Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
