If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
