i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
