mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
