I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
