We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
