my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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