he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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