I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
