I puked a lego.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
