his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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