did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am one with the molecules
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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