So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
