im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
