I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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