i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
