I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This toilet bowl is my home.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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