I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
