i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
