she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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