Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
